


time's but a golden wind that shakes the grass

by LadyAlice101



Series: you bleed just to know you're alive (post tlj collection) [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Ben and Rey's relationship from Rose's POV, Ben and Rose friendship, F/M, Post TLJ, Rose pov, elements of unreliable narration, no I'm really not kidding okay, take all observations rose makes about ben with a grain of salt okay, though probably not as much as there should be tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 00:09:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13692720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAlice101/pseuds/LadyAlice101
Summary: “Okay, okay,” Kylo mutters, rolling his eyes. “Rey, tell your friend to be a bit patient.”Rey kicks him under the table, which Rose knows because he jumps, his knees bumping the table hard enough that it shifts.“Ben, stop being a little shit. And don’t talk about Rose like that.”Kylo’s nose twitches – good, he should be annoyed – and he grounds out a, “sorry,” which, well, Rose vaguely appreciates, but it sounds weird coming from him, and he’s still a dick, so.//OR: Rose somehow falls into a friendship with Ben. She just isn't sure how it happened.





	time's but a golden wind that shakes the grass

**Author's Note:**

> You probably don't have to read the first story in this series to understand what's going on, but it is connected and ongoing, and it would be much appreciated! 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Unbeta'd

It’s awkward, of course, when Rey and Kylo Ren come back that first time.

They’ve been gone just over a standard month when they come back for their first visit to Leia with Kylo as a free man. Rose has been with the Resistance for many years now, but she doesn’t think she’s ever seen such genuine _content_ on General Organa’s face.

It’s that, more than anything, that prompts Rose to go to the effort of sitting with Rey and Ben the first night they come back.

The Resistance is still on Dantooine, though relocating soon to a temporary home of Coruscant. The pair had arrived early in the morning and had been ensconced with Leia all day.

Rose had stopped short, honestly, when she’d first walked in to the canteen at dinner time and seen them there. They were sitting on a table by themselves; on opposite sides, heads bowed and talking quietly, either not seeing or ignoring the various people staring at them.

While Rose waited in line, even she’d cast furtive glances over her shoulder to chance a sneak at the former Supreme Leader.

“Can’t believe they let him back in here,” a man beside her, De’Kesh, had scoffed, noticing where she was looking. “A repulsive man. Leia shouldn’t be heading the commission committee if she can let him go without punishment, don’t you think?”

And maybe Rose has some reservations about Kylo, but she’ll never doubt Leia.

So Rose says, “Where were you that day, De’Kesh? I happen to remember you didn’t come to the final battle against the Order. Seems to me like Kylo Ren did more for ending the war than you did.” And then she’d turned on her heel, taking her food, and gone straight to Rey and Kylo, and sat beside Kylo, not Rey.

They both look at her like she’s gone mad.

Rey’s spoon is paused half way to her mouth, and her eyes are wide as she stares at Rose.

Kylo speaks first. “I’m a bit of a social pariah, in case you hadn’t heard,” he says, sarcasm lining his voice. Rose thinks there’s some kind of irony in there somewhere. “You needn’t subject yourself to such a fate.”

Rose looks over her shoulder and spots De’Kesh, who is glaring at her fiercely. She glares right back at him and without turning away, says to Kylo, “I’ll make my own choices, thanks.”

When Rose turns back to look at them, Kylo is looking down at her with wide eyes (is that a little bit of awe?) and Rey has covered her mouth to keep from laughing too hard.

“I missed you, Rose,” Rey says fondly, and Rose can’t help but smile widely at that. Rose knows better than most how much it takes for Rey to express emotion.

“I missed you, too.”

Now Rose has had a second to calm her anger at De’Kesh for speaking so blatantly against Leia, she gets awkward very quickly. She tries to scoot away from Kylo inconspicuously, but she has a feeling she fails because Rey looks away pointedly and Kylo goes back to stirring his spoon in his soup.

Even though Rey has never really been one to control social situations, preferring instead to slip away, she’s the bridge between Rose and Kylo, and so Rose is grateful Rey starts conversation so she doesn’t have to.

Anything Rey says Rose can tack on to, keep flowing.

“How has it been here?” Rey asks, taking a mouthful of her food. “Have you been involved much?”

Rose shrugs, latching on to the conversation easily. “Mm, not really. I’m not one for politics, as you know. There have been some missions out to eliminate some stray Order factions, but they’re mostly keeping to themselves at this point.”

From the corner of her eye, Rose can see Kylo frown, and shrink down into himself.

Rey reaches across the table and takes his hand, but keeps going with the conversation with Rose, as if the action is as reflexive as breathing.

“We encountered a faction over near . . . um, Ben, where was that?” Rey looks to Kylo, her brow scrunched.

Rose turns to him, too, though her movements are much more stunted. Maybe he is Ben, maybe he is Kylo, maybe he is both; but to Rose, he’s Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader. Rose wishes she’d remembered that two minutes ago when she’d angrily sat down beside him. Now she wants nothing else than to be somewhere far away from him.

“Byss,” he replies lowly. He keeps stirring his soup. “They were a small group. Just a couple of starfighters and a cruiser. There was probably a Star Destroyer hanging around, but we didn’t see it. We took care of them easily.”

Kylo’s mouth curls up in what Rose thinks must be a smirk, and Rey grins down into her soup.

“What?” Rose asks, before she can help herself. She wants to know what she’s missing out on.

Kylo’s smirk widens.

“What?” Rose demands. She’s always hated being left out of jokes. “Tell me. Tell me now.”

“Okay, okay,” Kylo mutters, rolling his eyes. “Rey, tell your friend to be a bit patient.”

Rose bristles. If there’s one thing she hates more than being left out of a joke, it’s being talked about as if she’s not there (especially in that tone of voice). But as Rose goes to open her mouth and tell him to shut up, Rey beats her to it.

Rey kicks him under the table, which Rose knows because he jumps, his knees bumping the table hard enough that it shifts.

“Ben, stop being a little shit. And don’t talk about Rose like that.”

Kylo’s nose twitches – good, he should be annoyed – and he grounds out a, “sorry,” which, well, Rose vaguely appreciates, but it sounds weird coming from him, and he’s still a dick, so.

Kylo pauses, then says, “We were –“

“I don’t want to know anymore,” Rose interrupts, turning her nose up and taking a spoonful of her soup.

The table descends into an awkward silence. Rose doesn’t care. She did her duty as Rey’s best friend: defended Kylo to someone bad mouthing him, sat with him to prove that that’s alright, (but it kind of really isn’t, honestly) and she’d attempted to make small talk and not get into the discussion about what it takes to turn your back on a family that loves you and kill billions of beings.

Yeah, so Rose has some repressed – or not so repressed – feelings about Kylo Ren, sue her.

Except she _really_ hates not knowing what the joke is.

She drops her spoon on her tray, maybe a bit too forcefully, and Rey jumps but Kylo smiles. Actually _smiles._

Is she that predicable?

“Fine,” she grounds out, “I want to know.”

His smile widens, as if that’s the best thing he could have heard, and Rose doesn’t know why he finds her impatience so amusing, but he does.

“Well,” he drawls, “I’m not sure I want to tell you.”

If Rose didn’t know any better, she’d say he was . . . _teasing_ her.

But Rey nods encouragingly, and maybe Rose doesn’t know any better.

Except she also doesn’t really know how to interact with a playful Kylo Ren. How to interact with Kylo at all, really, but particularly when he’s not glaring at her as if she’s scum he wants to eradicate.

“Oh, um,” she stammers.

“Fine,” he sighs dramatically, taking the lead. “I’ll tell you.”

And he weaves a tale of a drama of galactic proportions, and he’s actually a fantastic storyteller. He’s got a dramatic flair, and a very expressive face, and as he gets further and further into the ridiculous story of how he donned his First Order garb and terrified the crew of an Order faction by convincing them he was back from the dead, Rose can’t help but be completely enthralled.

She even laughs numerous times.

“And?” she asks eagerly at the end. “What happened? Did they dress up as porgs?”

“No, I killed them,” he replies flatly.

Rose blinks owlishly at him as Rey laughs. “Um, what?” Rose squeaks.

He rolls his eyes at her. “Yes, of course they did. They made for very cute porglets didn’t they, Rey?”

Rose can’t help but laugh incredulously as Rey nods seriously in agreement. “Oh yeah. They had feathers and everything, Rose.”

It’s the most ridiculous story, and Rose seriously feels like they’re just tricking her, but it’s _fun._

There’s some loud noise to the side, and they look over to see Poe pushing Finn towards the table. They’re obviously arguing, though low enough that Rose can’t hear what they’re saying, but it’s intense.

Rose doesn’t actually have to hear to know what they’re saying. Finn had had a lot to say about Kylo being here, and Rose had been forced to listen to it all day.

As they get closer, Rose can hear what they’re saying. “No, no, Poe, stop, I don’t want to, Poe, _stop_ – oh um, hey Rey, hey Rose.”

Rose smiles up at him, laughter still pulling her features up in happiness, and that makes him more surly, but Rose can’t _not_ smile. Order underlings dressed up as _progs –_ that’s funny.

“Finn.” Rey sighs his name like all is finally right in the galaxy with his arrival, and maybe that slightly dampens Rose’s mood. She’s never really understood Finn and Rey’s friendship.

Rey stands up to give him a tight hug, then Poe inserts himself into the conversation in his usual fashion and monopolizes Rey by exchanging stories with her about all the fun things they did in the month they’d been apart (Rey did a lot of fun things like fight the Order, and visit ancient Jedi temples, and Poe did a lot of fun things like . . . politics).

“Ren,” Finn grumbles like it’s the hardest thing he’s ever done, as he sits down on Rose’s other side.

Kylo nods sharply. Boys.

“Finn.” The name sounds practiced on his tongue, and if Rose knows Rey (which she does), it probably is.

Finn looks like he wants to say something, but bites his tongue. And if Rose knows _Finn_ (which she does), it probably has something to do with his original numerical designation.

“Dinner is good tonight,” Rose says lamely, scooping up a spoonful then tipping it back in her bowl, as if that’s supposed to be encouraging.

“If by good you mean _edible_ ,” Kylo grunts beside her. Rose has to clench her jaw tightly to stop from laughing because Finn is glaring at the table so hard it looks like it hurts.

Conversation definitely needs to be disengaged immediately, because Rose is an active duty non-combatant and is _so_ not prepared to stop a fight between Kylo Ren and Finn.

Rey and Poe are talking animatedly, and Kylo is probably not going anywhere without Rey, so it’s up to Rose to take Finn and herself from the situation; or, well, could-be situation.

“I was thinking maybe we could finish dinner in my quarters,” Rose says lowly to Finn, discreetly putting her hand on his leg. She runs her fingertips up his inner thigh, and he shifts under her touch.

“Yeah,” he agrees roughly, and if he knows what she’s trying to do, he doesn’t let on. “Yeah, okay.”

He picks up his tray to take with him, because he hasn’t eaten anything, but Rose leaves behind her almost finished meal.

She walks out of the cafeteria with her hand in Finn’s, and looks over her shoulder and back to the table she just left.

Rey and Poe are still talking, but Kylo is looking after her, the oddest expression on his face. Almost as if he wants her to stay.

 

* * *

 

The fourth time Kylo and Rey visit, Rose waits for them in the hangar. The bay door of the _Falcon_ hisses down, and Rose can hear arguing as soon as it starts to open.

They ignore her as they walk down the ramp, arguing loudly over something Rose doesn’t really understand. But Rey stalks away, shouting at Kylo to leave her alone, and Rose is left in the hangar of the base with a fuming Kylo.

He makes a small effort to not take it out on her, but ultimately he just nods at her and then walks away himself, in the opposite direction in which Rey left.

Rose stands awkwardly in the bay, rocking on her feet.

Well. Not at all the way she planned this to go. She’d hoped to gently lead them to their room and get them settled, maybe feed them a bit, and then break the news that Leia had had to leave for an emergency and wouldn’t be back until at least tomorrow.

Rose goes back to her room, not particularly wanting to face an already steaming Kylo and tell him that his presence here is basically pointless.

She eats the cheese she was going to give to them, lying on her bed and staring at the ceiling as she nibbles on the block. Neither Finn nor Poe are here, either, having accompanied Leia.

She really should make more friends, she muses, taking another bite of cheese. Rose had cleared her afternoon of work in anticipation of Kylo and Rey’s arrival, and now she has nothing to do.

Just as she resolves that she’s just going to go work anyway, there’s a knock on her door.

Rose hopes its Rey, because she’s desperately missed her friend, and she has so much to tell her –

Rose swings the door open to reveal the large and cutting figure of Kylo.

She opens her mouth in surprise, maybe to tell him to go away, but he mutters out a, “Hey, Rose. May I come in?” and she can do nothing but open the door further for him.

He doesn’t say thanks, and she might not know him very well, but the hunched slope of his shoulders tells her he’s grateful she let him in.

“What do you want?”

She’d meant the frame the question nicer, honest, but it comes out pretty harsh and he tenses.

“I can go.”

It would be a kind offer if his voice weren’t so flat.

Conversational circles can last forever with him, Rose has learned, so she just sighs and tilts her head back, praying Finn will forgive her for not sending him out immediately.

“No, it’s fine.” Rose sees the food she’d got for them on her bed. “Cheese?”

He follows her gaze and wrinkles his nose and the block she’d taken big bites from.

“Ah, no.”

Rose doesn’t tell him there’s another unopened block.

They stand awkwardly for a few moments, and while Kylo came to her, Rose really hates silence, so she speaks first.

“How have you been?” she asks, crossing her arms and shifting on her feet.

He clears his throat. “Fine. You?”

“Fine.”

More silence.

Rose goes to sit on the bed, and after about a minute later he joins her, though sitting as far from her as he can.

Finally, Rose can stand it no longer. “Kylo, what are you doing here?”

He purses his lips, like he wishes she hadn’t asked the question, even though they don’t really know each other all that well and _he’d_ sought _her_ out.

“Rey and I had a fight,” he grumbles.

Rose rolls her eyes at him. “Yeah, I know, dipshit.”

He furrows his brows at her over the name, but doesn’t say anything about it. Then he looks away, staring at the wall as he admits, “I don’t know anyone else here.”

Oh.

She hadn’t really pegged him as someone who doesn’t like to be alone, but there’s a lot she doesn’t know about him.

Rose doesn’t like to be alone, either.

So Rose stands and rummages through her conservator for the other block of cheese and a mostly full bottle of wine, and they sit on her bed and eat and drink together.

That dry humor that had initially endeared him to her back when he’d first come to Dantooine is ever present, and by the time they crack open a second bottle, Rose finds she hates him much less than she did at the beginning of the day.

She’s even telling him things she’s never said to another person.

“Do you get jealous of Finn and Rey?” she blurts out, halfway through the second bottle. She’s sitting on the ground, resting her back against her cot, and he’s lying down on it.

He snorts, as if that’s the most ridiculous question he’s ever heard.

“No.”

It’s a resounding answer, and Rose frowns at the floor, taking a large drink.

Rose does. A lot. Their easy camaraderie makes Rose feel like she’s missing out on something; like maybe Rey is better suited for Finn than Rose could ever be.

Kylo has obviously not felt that way about his own partner.

“You needn’t be jealous of them, either,” Kylo tells her a moment later. Rose had assumed he’d be bad at comfort, but he sounds firm in his conviction.

“Oh, yeah? Why not?” Rose can’t help the bitter taste in her mouth, and she sets the bottle down.

Kylo shifts on the bed behind her, then swings his long legs over and settles down on the ground beside her. It’s awkward, because he’s so much bigger than her, and Rose had thought that the wine hadn’t affected him that much but he almost falls on his face like three times, so he’s probably drunk as fuck, too.

But his advice is still sage, and days later, Rose still thinks about what he’d said.

“They give each other something that we can’t give them. But we give them something they can’t give each other.”

“Sex?” she blurts, before she can think about the implication of taking about the sex life of the former Supreme Leader.

But he just rolls his eyes at her. “No, not just that.”

“How can you be so sure?” Rose asks darkly, kicking her foot out and playing with the dry skin on her nail beds.

“Besides the fact I can read her mind?” He smirks down at her wryly. “I just know.”

Rose ponders that conviction. She doesn’t think she ever has been or ever will be that sure about someone.

“What do you give Rey?”

He muses over this for a moment, his head tilted back as his stares at the ceiling. Finally, he says, “Perspicacity.”

Understanding floods Rose. Yeah, he does give her that. Rose doesn’t even need to have a detailed understanding of their relationship to know that neither she nor Finn could ever _truly_ understand Rey; there are aspects they can understand: her abuse, her loneliness, her tenacity. But there are those they can’t; her abandonment issues, her Force sensitivity, even the weight of her role in the war.

But Kylo; his mind was connected with hers. There is probably nothing they don’t know about each other, no concept that can be misunderstood between them. Rey had never had such insight into her character, Rose is sure, and so Kylo’s ability to do so _is_ exactly what she needed, what he can give her than no one else can.

“And Rey?” Rose whispers. “What does she give you?”

A smile graces his lips, maybe of a serendipitous memory, maybe of clarity, maybe of an epiphany.

“Perspective.”

Rose smiles, also. That one must be true, if proven by nothing else than the fact that he is sitting beside her and not on a First Order starship.

Rose ponders over what she gives to Finn. Companionship she supposes, though anyone can provide that. Familiarity and intimacy, though again, if he tried, anyone could provide that, too.

Truthfully, Rose doesn’t know what she gives him. She doesn’t know what he gives her, either, and maybe that’s the crux of the problem, why she can never really be sure in their relationship.

“What do I give you?” Rose asks, before she can really think about the question. It will sooth her mind, perhaps, to have something special with s _omeone._

He looks down at her, eyes wide and lips parted, like he can’t quite believe that she cares.

His eyes fly over her face, like he’s trying to figure out if she really wants to know the answer. She’s basically admitting they’re friends, she’s aware, and it should probably scare her more than it does, he should make her madder than he does, but it doesn’t scare her and he doesn’t make her angry and she wants to know.

His gaze locks with hers, and Rose knows that this will be important.

“Absolution.”

Rose snorts, looking away. That’s not special. Anyone can forgive him.

“Can’t Rey give that to you?” she grunts, picking up the bottle to take another drink.

He waits for her to place the bottle on the ground, and puts his own hand around it, his pinky finger brushing against her forefinger. She would put it down as an accidental brush of hands, but he’s looking at her intently, and maybe that’s his way of giving reassurance.

“Rey loves me,” he tells her, his voice hard like he needs her to understand, but his eyes soft like he knows she never will, “she has to give it me. But you . . . you _chose_ to forgive me.”

He’s right, of course. That hard place inside her heart, that place that she reserved only for those she hates most in the galaxy, the people who she curses during the day and has nightmares about in her sleep, it’s just a little bit smaller, because Kylo’s name isn’t there anymore.

_Not by fighting those we hate, but by saving those we love._

Rose doesn’t know why Kylo’s words remind her of her own, but they do. There’s a similarity there, in forgiveness and protection.

She saved Finn. _That’s_ what Rose gives him. And maybe he gives that to her, too.

 

* * *

 

Two moon turns later finds Rose and Kylo leaving Rey and Finn behind in the hangar bay of the base to go and catch up with some wine and cheese.

Rey and Finn stare after them with their mouths gaping, like they can’t quite believe what they’re seeing. Kylo and Rose laugh about it all the way until dinner, when they rejoin the pair in the canteen.

They’d already eaten, of course, one block of cheese and half a bottle of wine each, but they figure they probably should put their partners out of suspense.

Rose and Kylo slide easily into the chairs beside their respective partners, who stop talking immediately to eye them both suspiciously, Finn with a little more malice than Rey, Rose notes.

He’s definitely not ever going to be okay with Kylo, though Rose appreciates him putting in the effort to be civil when they’re forced to be each others company.

Rose presses a quick reassuring kiss to his cheek, while Rey and Kylo opt for a more obvious approach, with Kylo kissing Rey so sweetly that Rose looks away because of the complete intimacy of it.

“What have you two been talking about?” Rey asks, obviously trying not to sound like she’s dying of curiosity, but Rose knows she is.

Kylo had explained to Rose that while the Force bond that had started all this was no longer active, there were left over connections between them that sometimes allowed for a peek into the other persons consciousness, like if they were feeling a particularly strong emotion.

Like curiosity, perhaps.

Kylo’s face stays impressively neutral, but Rose can’t help but giggle a bit.

“Oh, nothing much,” she says, waving her fork around in the air. “Just catching up.”

They’d actually gossiped egregiously for almost an hour, about what they’d been doing in the last month, Rose giving him updates on the constant soap opera that is the Resistance base, and Kylo telling her about all the times Rey had almost accidentally (or not so accidentally, Rose learns, in the curious case of the nest of porgs onboard the _Falcon_ ) killed herself, him, and various other random people.

Kylo nods in agreement to Rose’s sentiment, and pushes his food around the plate, obviously not hungry. Rose isn’t really either, but Finn is looking at her like he doesn’t understand why she’s not eating, and so she scoops up a bit of meat and makes a point of chewing quickly.

He’d be pretty upset if he learned she’d taken her meal in her quarters with Kylo, because that was something she usually only did with him.

Finn and Kylo still can’t really talk to each for a continued amount of time, so conversation quickly breaks into Rose and Finn, and Kylo and Rey.

Rose had seen Finn only an hour before Kylo and Rey had arrived, so they don’t really have much to catch up on, so Rose tries to keep an eye on the couple on the opposite side of the table, interested to see their interactions.

Rose had thought long and hard over what Kylo had divulged to her two visits ago. While her and Finn’s relationship had not devolved, per se, it hadn’t exactly gotten better either. Kylo and Rey obviously couldn’t say the same, because they’re closer than Rose has seen them, which she would have deemed impossible, but it’s there before her eyes.

They move in synchronicity, like everything they do is dependent upon the other person. Questions are given and answered silently, and everything is open to them. If Kylo moves, Rey moves to match or give way. When Rey looks up at him, there’s a deep adoration shining in her eyes.

It would be unhealthy, Rose muses, if they weren’t completely unaware of the other’s all consuming devotion.

Rose looks back to Finn, and catches a glimpse in his eyes of what is so obvious between Kylo and Rey.

Rose’s heart flutters and soars.

 

* * *

 

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive Ren like you and Rey have,” Finn tells her one night in between Kylo and Rey’s visits.

“What would it take from him for you to be able to?”

Finn stays silent. “There’s nothing he can do that will restore my identity.”

It’s true. Finn has the right to be resentful of his stolen childhood for the rest of his life, in Rose’s opinion, but that much hatred towards a single person probably isn’t healthy.

There are a lot of arguments Rose can even make in Kylo’s defense, really. That it wasn’t under his leadership that Finn was abducted, that he’s trying hard to make amends for those things that he did do, that he _regrets_ it.

None of which Finn wants to hear, but will come to accept in his own time, like Rose did.

But it gets her thinking about her own opinion on Kylo, long after Finn goes to sleep.

_Like you and Rey have_ , Finn had said.

But has she? Forgiveness is a loaded word, though tossed around lightly, and Rose had spent a lot of time ignoring Kylo’s bigger crimes in order to be friends with him. It must look like complete forgiveness to other people, their disappearances together when he visits an obvious show of trust, but, in her heart, Rose knows that trust and forgiveness are two different things.

_You chose to give absolution to me,_ Kylo had told her, in those moments when they had been completely honest with each other.

She hadn’t chosen that, exactly; her friendship with him had more fallen into her lap, and she had pretended that there was nothing more to think about and had let herself come to cherish him as a friend.

Then there are nights, like when Finn assumes she that she has forgiven Kylo, that her sister shines bright in her mind, and Rose feels sick to stomach that she can even look at him.

How can she forgive the man who had a hand in murdering her sister? Her beautiful sister, who was much too good for this galaxy, who had so much more to offer it than Kylo Ren does.

Rose’s heart is too big to hold deep hatred, but even she can’t stop the resentment that builds in her chest when she thinks about the First Order.

Separating Kylo from the Order is hard. Harder still, because she still thinks of him as Kylo. Maybe it’s easier for Rey because to her he’s Ben.

Maybe Ben and Kylo are the same person, maybe they’re not. Rose doesn’t really know. She met him after he defected. To her, the person is one man, who is broken and damaged and wishes so desperately that he hadn’t committed the acts that he had.

And maybe that’s enough. Maybe she doesn’t need to forgive him. Maybe she just needs to recognize that he is trying to redeem himself, one step at a time, even if it takes forever, and even if it kills him.

That’s the thing about redemption, she supposes. Once a person regrets their actions, they can never move on. But now he does regret it, she wishes more than anything else for him that maybe he can soon sleep at night. She wants that eventuality for him, but only because it will never come.

Both he and Rey are probably closer to overcoming the follies of this war than either Rose or Finn.

They’ve left. They’re not part of it anymore. People join wars searching for something, Rose has learned. She and Paige joined to get away from their home and find something better. Finn joined for the same reason, leaving to find something more. They obviously haven’t found it, because they’re both still here. Rey isn’t.

Kylo isn’t.

Maybe what they were looking for is each other.

Rose hopes she finds her peace soon, too.

**Author's Note:**

> This ends a bit awkwardly, but I've pretty much told the story I wanted to tell and didn't want to add anything to ruin the poignancy of it. 
> 
> Hope you liked it!


End file.
